I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
