Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
