Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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