I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You smell like stripper and shame
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
