go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
