he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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