he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
