Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
