i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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