I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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