Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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