I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
