I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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