i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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