Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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