They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
