My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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