i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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