Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
