I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
