I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
