he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
