Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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