Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
