I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
FUCK WHALES
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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