ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
