You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
