Just fell off a train. Bad.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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