Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Your penis caused this!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
