I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I love you. Go after that dick
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
