I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
