I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
