Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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