Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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