yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
