Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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