eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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