I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
