I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
