My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
