What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
