Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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