Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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