U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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