You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
