Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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