Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm like, not good at living.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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