I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
