then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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