Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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