Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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