don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
