Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
