I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
